back up blog

‘Oh right, yeah – you’re the blogger, right?’ he said to me. I hate that question. I often don’t like meeting people, boys, (men), when I know they’ve read this here blog, because it’s so easy to make snap judgements on what I’m about. I do, after all, say the word “vagina” a lot, and have a whole section dedicated to my poop stories . The bright pink box in the sidebar that says “I’m fat! (and still get laid)” means you’d be forgiven if thoughts inclined a particular, southerly, way. I try not to mention what I write about, if I can – not when I first meet someone (men). I nodded with a Joey Potter half smile. ‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘That’s me.’ I did an awkward chortle. ‘Not sure if I can look you in the eye if you’ve been through my archives , though.’ This guy probably thought me ridiculous. A second chap, the one who organised everything, chimed in as he threw a ball up and down. Up, catch. Up, catch. Up, catch. ‘I read your blog too. Vagina and all that, innit?’ I opened my mouth to res

Last week I kissed a stranger on camera for a national newspaper. I’d freaked out when I saw the original video of 20 strangers kissing for the first time , spread like wildfire as it did across the Internet. I posted it to my Facebook and declared: I AM NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT THAT I WATCHED THIS THREE TIMES OVER BREAKFAST AND THEN TWICE ON THE WAY TO WORK! I was mad for it. When a friend Tweeted, ‘Am I the only one who just doesn’t get that YouTube vid?’ I responded heartily, Yes! because, to me, introducing yourself to a stranger with the full knowledge you’re about to kiss – one of the most lovely, intimate, special things two human beings can do – is the pinnacle of everything it is to be awkward, risk-taking, and honest. It just got me really excited – even after it was revealed the video was actually a marketing ploy by a fashion label. (That explained why everyone was so goddamn beautiful, then.) When a friend told me national newspaper The Sun were looking for volunteers – real,

I haven’t had sex in 13 months. I feel creatively unfulfilled, and painfully aware that I am radically under-utilising my potential pretty much everyday. I’ve reduced my social life by 95% in order to focus on my mental and physical health . I spend my time outside of work with my 3 housemates, my brother, and my best friend, and my days are: work, train, eat, write, sleep. A rollercoaster ride of excitement I am not. The last time I stayed up past 11p.m. was in 2013. I’m still waiting to hear back from graduate school , to know if I have a funded place to move to America and get my Master’s degree come the autumn. I feel as though my entire future is on hold, and until I get that letter, even if the news is not good, I am hanging in a limbo of uncertainty. I live in a single room in zone 3 of London and commute two hours a day to save money for a life I may not get to live. I am frustrated and bored and impotent to do anything but continue waiting. My high fat-burning diet means I am