Frenemy.






Ladies and Gentlemen: introducing the concept of FRENENMIES. Also known as, who needs enemies when you have friends like these to remind you of every drunken, slightly-out-of-character (FINE. Slightly-in-character...) incident that YOU'D REALLY RATHER FORGET. Frenemies are there, ready and waiting, to bring all of this up. Even over email.



Me: I think you need a WWLD braclet to help successfully conduct your life without me.



Frenemy: I have no idea what that means. And if you are trying to spell BRACELET then I am so disappointed in you.



Me: WHAT WOULD LAURA DO? Like the What Would Jesus Do bracelets Christians have to get them through their days.





Frenemy: Oh! Okay then. I would wear it with pride. (Everytime I see a hot man... *has sex with them on a park bench*). Maybe the whole bracelet thing isn't such a good idea after all.



Me: I CAN'T BELIVE YOU JUST BROUGHT THAT UP.



Frenemy: I will continue to bring it up at any oppurtunity.



Me: It's spelt oppOrtunity. And I didn't have sex with him. I wanted to. But I didn't.



Frenemy: So you embarrassed yourself by being groped on a park bench and didn't even get laid? FAIL.



Me: I embarrassed myself and didn't even get laid. My life is a mess.



Frenemy: A proper shambles. You could be in America, publishing books and abusing your accent BUT NO, you're sat at home with a dozen cats fingering yourself.



It is at this point that I feel I need to say: I MISS MY FRIEND.

Comments

  1. Steve2 February 2010 at 12:51

    I'm going to start a government petition to pass a law that makes you update your blog daily!

    "sat at home with a dozen cats fingering yourself" - classic stuff

    ReplyDelete
  2. Single Mother on the Verge3 February 2010 at 01:00

    Brill, brill, brill love your blog xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. urbanvox3 February 2010 at 07:19

    huahuahua!!
    @:)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Laura Jane Williams3 February 2010 at 07:28

    Steve- I'm sooooorrrrry! I'm BUSY! Glad you enjoyed! x

    Maria- ta, lassie. Let's start a mutual admiration society? x

    urbanvox- well YOU would laugh! x

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous5 February 2010 at 03:35

    You could be in America, publishing books and abusing your accent BUT NO, you're sat at home with a dozen cats fingering yourself.

    I nearly choked on my coffee reading that!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous5 February 2010 at 10:28

    Thanks for clarifying 'frenemy' for me, and just keep off park benches if you know what's good for you. Oh, you do. That's OK then. Another gem from you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Laura Jane Williams7 February 2010 at 08:16

    theperpetualspiral- sorry. I should come with a warning card. x

    Ian- I try! x

    ReplyDelete
  8. Organic Meatbag17 February 2010 at 06:13

    At least you are not a man suctioning his own penis into a vacuum at the local car wash...yeah, they have those in America...really...this is no place for good, sensible people like you...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Laura Jane Williams17 May 2010 at 16:42

    Organic meatbag- I feel that I have missed an opportunity here.

    ReplyDelete

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