Going to the Chapel for a Chippendale.





So my best friend is getting married, which aside from plunging me into an existential crisis whereby I was pulling a beer out of the fridge at 3.30 in the afternoon and wondering aloud over a family-sized bag of Doritos exactly what it is I am doing with my life besides frequently making a tit of myself and then writing about it on the internet, is- of course- fantastic.



"Really? You're getting married?!" I squealed down the phone. "THIS IS SO AMAZING!"





My friend made the appropriate noises of excitement as she demanded I be in the country for the nuptials.



"Of course I'll be in the country!" I told her. "I SO HAVE TO BE AROUND TO GET YOU A BIG-SCHLONGED STRIPPER AT THE HEN PARTY! This is great!" I exclaimed. I made a mental note to ask about the ring and the proposal next. Priorities and all.



I was met with a stoney, unimpressed silence. My friend said nothing. I sighed.



"We're just doing a spa weekend aren't we?" I said in a small voice. She said yes.



Personally I don't see the point even having a wedding now.

Comments

  1. smidge17 February 2010 at 02:09

    Surely the point of the best friends wedding is for her to make sure her chief bridesmaid gets someone hot to flirt with for the day?

    Just make sure you go to a spar where there is wine availiable. No health farms...

    ReplyDelete
  2. P17 February 2010 at 04:14

    Tell her unless she arranges a weekend abroad full of hot men for her hen do, you won't even make it to the WEDDING!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Steve17 February 2010 at 04:49

    A Spa weekend is no substitute for a hen night! What sort of friend is she anyway? - sack her! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Organic Meatbag17 February 2010 at 06:11

    sounds like she'd prefer the long schlonged stripper...or maybe a bottle of Sunkist...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Laura Jane Williams17 February 2010 at 06:15

    Smidge- NO HEALTH FARMS.

    P- I feel like threats don't become me, though. Maybe we could just arrange for a little schlong for me? Maybe?

    Steve- You KNOW that come my wedding I expect her to provide at least six hot naked men!

    Organic Meatbag- who wouldn't prefer the stripper... like. D'uh.

    x

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous19 February 2010 at 10:48

    Some people are lacking in a sense of frolicksomeness. The world is worse for their presence, but I'd actually prefer a big-boobed lap-dancer than what you suggest.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Laura Jane Williams19 February 2010 at 12:46

    Ian- I know what you're getting for your birthday surprise then!

    ReplyDelete

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