Everything looks better with my eyes open


An incomplete list of some things I call my 2017 achievements:

- saw my first ballet, from the really cheap seats all the way at the back.
- cleansed, toned and moisturised every morning, and every night.
- bought furniture.
- threw a really very good Christmas party.
- refused to save the candles for best.
- called my mother.
- called my father.
- interviewed a celebrity.
- deleted Facebook.
- stopped nannying.
- maintained a relationship with the girls I used to nanny - and their mama.
- took a month off.
- bought £300-worth of sex toys all in one go.
- went viral online for falling over.
- said out loud that I want a baby.
- received a case of wine.
- got offered a horse and cart at the entrance to Soho Farmhouse.
- went swimming in the ladies pond on the Heath when we had the heatwave.
- went home for Easter.
- went ginger, and on purpose.
- hosted an event about mental health.
- did my first lit fest.
- took a day trip to Oxford.
- saw Titanic at the Royal Albert Hall with a live orchestra.
- released the paperback of my memoir.
- released the hardback of another memoir.
- sold that hardback to several countries.
- went to a drag show in New York with the editor of that hardback.
- recorded them both as audiobooks.
- started using a mooncup.
- visited Italy.
- got drunk over a cheese plate at a solo lunch in Lisbon.
- broke into a five-star hotel swimming pool with my parents in Miami Beach.
- cried in a Chicago Starbucks.
- accepted a blueberry off the fork of a man I didn't know in Brooklyn.
- learned how to make cheese scones from scratch.
- knew it was time to go back to therapy.
- let myself be loved.
- listened to a story about my friend going to Leonardo DiCaprio's house.
- told him I was falling in love.
- argued and knew he wouldn't leave.
- went to my first movie premiere.
- went to my first movie premiere in an H&M dress.
- blocked blokes on Instagram.
- caught the bouquet.
- got a writing partner.
- sold a treatment to a production company.
- let my pubic hair grow out.
- re-watched all of Mad Men.
- googled Christina Hendricks a lot.
- wrote my motto on a necklace and sold them to people.
- accepted that I didn't do everything I hoped I might, and chalked up pretty good anyway.

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