Beard.






So I'm at the gay bar, and yeah, I'm not going to lie to you internet, I WAS PRETTY DAMNED MERRY. I think it was all the cheap perfume and glitter that got to me. Anyway. I decided I needed a smoke. It aint big and it aint clever kids, but alas it what I needed.



"Pardon me," I said to a cute little blonde piece and his hag. "If I told you it was an emergency I don't suppose I could bum a cigarette, could I?" I smiled sweetly.



"Errrr, you don't even know what an emergency is," replied the blonde with a slight lisp, eyeing me and my ten dollar chiffon top with undisguised disgust. "Why don't you take your ass and fuck off back to where you came from," he spat, to which I remember wondering, back to where I belong as in England? Or back to where I belong as in back on that bench over there with my drunk-ass friends?





"Gosh. Sorry. I hope your night gets a bit better, love," I said, and then I ran off to tell on the nasty man that had been mean to me.



I was halfway to repeating the story to my table when I felt an arm round my shoulder. It was Blonde.



"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude to you, you sooooo didn't deserve that. Here. Take this," he said, and handed me my Camel before walking away solemnly.



I love the gays. They're so DRAMATIC.

Comments

  1. P12 April 2010 at 04:31

    I would have CRIED!

    And you think the GAYS are dramatic???

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous12 April 2010 at 12:02

    Isn't requesting to bum a fag in a gay bar tantamount to saying can I shag your boyfriend?

    r

    ReplyDelete
  3. Laura Jane Williams12 April 2010 at 12:30

    P- I couldn't take him seriously, he talked with a lisp and spat a little, too!

    Anon- THAT NEVER EVEN CROSSED MY MIND. But now I think about it, maybe that is why he was upset...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous12 April 2010 at 15:49

    I think anonymous hit that nail on the head, metaphorically speaking.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Laura Jane Williams13 April 2010 at 20:23

    Ian- Indeed!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Cynthia14 April 2010 at 13:26

    lol sounds like it was a test and you passed!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Laura Jane Williams14 April 2010 at 20:29

    cynthia- I'm glad I kept my compose. I think I was just a little too tipsy to process the situation though, to be honest. x

    ReplyDelete
  8. linda14 April 2010 at 22:22

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  9. secret agent woman16 April 2010 at 11:54

    Here via Ian, I think (I lose track sometimes).

    I'm impressed that you responded so gracefully, but it looks like it paid off!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open18 April 2010 at 03:23

    Hahaha.

    I would have cried a little bit too though. Defs.

    ReplyDelete
  11. urbanvox18 April 2010 at 17:20

    as a friend of mine said once Gay people don;t die... the become glitter... hehehe yup he is gay. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Laura Jane Williams20 April 2010 at 05:02

    Secret agent- my normal (read: sober) self probably would have said something catty back, but I just wasn't that quick...

    Please don't Eat with your mouth open- it did break a little piece of my heart!

    urbanvox- TRUSIES. I like that!

    ReplyDelete

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