Pickle, the family rabbit, has died. I found out because Mama emailed me about it. We're going to bury him in the garden tonight, next to Eric, she said. ERIC DIED TOO? I replied. Eric is my auntie's rabbit. She lives across the road from Mama and they used to have rabbit play-dates. Eric died last month, I was told. And then the gravity of Mama's words hit me. They were going to bury my beautiful little lion-haired baby in the ground with Verbose Auntie's overweight, smelly, and not to mention AMOROUS beast of a pet. They were going to be together for all eternity. Mama , I implored back, those rabbits cannot spend the rest of forever together.... Eric was a rapist. And it's true. We'd all been in the garden when, as Verbose Auntie put it, Eric's lipstick came out of the tube. Poor Pickle didn't stand a chance. There was rabbit-on-rabbit penetration, and we all sat by and watched it happen on that sunny afternoon. Hell. We might even have enjoyed it. G...
It's actually an 11/10!
ReplyDeleteWell, for me, being male, it would be a 12. But, for you being female, and she being female, and only if I could be there as well, I'd give it a 15.
ReplyDeleteLaura, you don't have to be embarrassed. I will read you a bedtime story ANY time. <3
ReplyDeleteChelsea
I have forgotten the question because now all I can think of is how much I want a Caramel bar...
ReplyDeleteThough, yes, probably inappropriate to ASK - it's a total compliment!!
ReplyDeleteHad I been the stranger, I would of course been a little weirded out... at first. Then, reflecting on my new stalker friend as I told someone what happened, smile and relish the moment I was told how sexy my voice was.
Perpetual spiral- THANKS. That's really helpful.
ReplyDeleteIan- I appreciate the support... it was only afterward I thought to be a little embarrassed.
Chelsea- well YOU would!
P- oooooh. yes please!
Camille- Yeah! I meant it as a compliment! She laughed. In the end, at least.